Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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