i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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