I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
