Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
