apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
