one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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