pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
