I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
