Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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