I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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