You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
