found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My cat gives me a boner
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
