he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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