Already got asked if we're dating
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
