great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
