We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
