You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
