Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
