I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
