Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
