Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
