i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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