I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
