i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
