My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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