Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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