i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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