ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
