Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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