So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
