Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
