please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
