:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's the barista slut.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
