I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
