I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
