and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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