i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
