i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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