i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my poor anus
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
