I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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