I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
