im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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