Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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