can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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