so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
