OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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