if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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