remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
