My underwear smells like fireworks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my shit smells like andre
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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