You can't special order awesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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