the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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